“Fragile. Please handle with care.”
I used to believe that I was a crystal glass that must be handled with care; that I was delicate and I must be treated with great sensitivity for I could get broken in an instant. However, life has taught me that I am wrong in my supposition. I am a not a crystal glass, but I am a diamond in the rough.
Like many others, I have a fair share of heartaches, moments of ups and downs, and a series of disappointments. I was a crybaby. I was worried that I might not be able to fit in the society, and most of the time I did not feel any sense of belonging. I was not confident. I was insecure. I felt that I was ugly. I was uncomfortable with my skin color. I was trying so hard for I was afraid to be not good enough for everyone; I was unkind to myself.
I was rejected many times. I was declined by the first company that I applied for the job that I wanted. My love life was a failure as well. I had loved again and again, but my love was constantly unanswered. I was not chosen. I got hurt. I begged and I cried. I even tried to commit suicide. Many times I wished I was not born or I was someone else. I asked myself, what I was lacking of; what was wrong with me. I was anxious. I was depressed.
I was labeled as NBSB or ‘no boyfriend since birth.’ I felt that I was incomplete. I thought that I needed a boyfriend to complement me; that my life was not whole until I would have a husband and kids. The pressure was on me. I had been single for a long time; I fell into the trap of wanting to be in a relationship quickly, but it led me to a downfall.
Falling in love so fast made me vulnerable. My weakness was used against me, but I was so blind to see that. I only wanted to be loved in return. I was made to believe that the only way to gain affection was to fulfill people’s needs; that to get approval, I should be someone else- someone who was quintessential.
I attempted to be the ideal girl that everyone liked; the girl who would always say ‘yes;’ the sweet little girl who would not dare to defy rules; the perfect girl who would be a good girlfriend or a trophy wife someday. I struggled to be that girl; I even pretended that I could be that girl, but I could not do it anymore.
I cannot be the kind of girl that society wants me to be… because I am not a girl, I am woman. I may not be a girlfriend, a wife or a mother, but I a woman and I CAN’T BE CONVENTIONAL.
I am ready to radiate good things, to give love in my own way and to conquer the world. I have already detached myself from fears and self-doubt. I have learned to embrace who I really am. I love myself for what I am today.
I AM TOUGH. I AM UNIQUE. I AM INDEPENDENT. I AM WILD. I AM FREE.